Oh, Danny Boy

Oh Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone & all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go & I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed & white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come & find the place where I am lying
And kneel & say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm & sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

Give her a kiss for me. I love you both so much.
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/elpasotimes/obituary.aspx?n=daniel-carroll&pid=141830673

A Good Man Is Hard To Find

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

For I am not there; I did not die.

-Mary Frye

My Uncle Dan was a man who lived until the moment he died. Literally. Yesterday afternoon, he was talking to his girlfriend in his front yard. She got a phone call, and he said that he was going to get back to the yard work he was working on in the back yard. She got off of her phone call a few minutes later and went to the backyard to tell him she'd see him that evening for their date. He was on the ground. She performed mouth-to-mouth & called 911. He was pronounced dead at 2:00.

The initial medical examination points to sudden cardiac arrest, although it will take time for the full autopsy. Dan lost his wife, my aunt, Beverly Cade Carroll to ovarian cancer 11 years and 12 days before he died. In those 11 years, he mourned for her deeply and spoke of her often.

This morning, the birds were chirping and the sun was shining. It was a beautiful day, just like yesterday. He would have been out on the golf course this afternoon with his female black lab, Jett.

Day Ninety-Two: Sweet Sandy B

Heartbroken. A woman gives us inspiration that everyone, EVERYONE, is worthy of redemption regardless of how checkered their past may be. Someone could be covered in tattoos, have a child with a porn star, and make a living out of building motorcycles, and they are someone worthy of love, a nurturing home, and a solid woman who wants to grow old with them. I believed her then, and I still believe it, even if it may or may not have been true of the person for whom she indended.

Sweet, sweet, Sandy B....I've had a week of nothing but Hope Floats, Practical Magic, and Miss Congeniality. I'll be watching The Blind Side tonight now that my kids are down.

As I watch all of this drama unfold before the American Snarky Population (me included), a couple of things that have been reinforced that wise people have told me through the years...

1. We cannot control the outcome. We could do everything perfect, and it could all fall apart. We could do everything wrong, and we could be a couple until our last breath.

2. Everyone IS worthy of a second chance. It's up to them to make something of it.

3. At the end of the day, what we really can rely on is ourself. Did we take care of ourself that day? Did we do something for ourself to make us be better, feel better? Are we growing in strength, individuality, wisdom, and perserverence? Did we go to that quiet place inside and find peace? For, we cannot find that in someone else, and we will often be dissappointed if we look for it there.

4. We all go through the fire. We all feel pain, we all have to make very difficult choices. Unfortunately, the ideal dream of a marriage doesn't exist.

As I look at these photos of Sandy, I see myself. I hope that other women, especially moms, can see themselves as well. On one hand, I see a mother - crooked sunglasses, shirt pulling down from the weight of carrying a sweet baby girl, minimal makeup, comfortable clothes. On the other, I see what working out, makeup, a nice hairdo, and a great dress can do for that same woman. There's power in both. Often, as a mother we feel like we're the former, and that's great...until we need to feel another kind of beautiful.

I hope that you take some time for yourself this Easter and recommit to yourself, to your growth, to allow yourself to feel pain, and to feel beautiful regardless of what your circumstance may be. I hope that next time you're in pain, you remember Sweet Sandy B, and maybe watch a little Hope Floats.

Day Eighty Seven: Spring

I love spring. The weather starts warming up, hikes and trail runs are more feasible, and outdoor playtime for the kids comes easy. I hope that you're able to engage in some family fun runs to get the whole group into the action of exercising together. Make sure that you have some good sunscreen that doesn't burn your eyes when you sweat.

I hope that the 90 days has come easier for you than you'd originally imagined. By now, you should be somewhere in the range of total weight loss between 9-15 pounds since January 1, depending on your initial BMI, your exercise routine, and your nutrition intake over the last eighty seven days.

What follows Spring? Swimsuit season. If you haven't toned up those arms or intensified your cardio routine, now's the time. Here are some of my favorites...

1. In the middle of the weight workout, move to the treadmill and do one fast mile. I usually do this around 8 to 7.5 minutes, which is fast for me but not for others. You be the judge...your muscles should burn, and your heart rate should soar.

2. Take your normal strength routine, and add one mile to the beginning for warm up, one mile to the middle (see #1 above), and one mile to the end to burn off additional reserves. I'll usually do the warm up mile at a 10 or 9.5 min pace, and the end mile around 8.5 or so. This combines aerobic with anaerobic exercise, and takes a normal routine and kicks it up a notch.

3. If you have a "long" run once weekly or so, take it up/down to 5 mi. Stair step it so that that you run the first mile at a warmup pace, the second at a medium pace, the third at a more challenging pace, then repeat #2, then repeat #1. For example, Mile 1: 10 min pace, Mile 2: 9 min pace, Mile 3: 8 min pace, Mile 4: 9 min pace, Mile 5: 10 min pace. Adjust pace as necessary.

4. Take one mile during your normal run and interval train. I like to do this on a 3 or 4 mile run. I'll take one of the middle miles of the run and do .20 at 7 min pace, then .20 at 9 min pace, then repeat both, and the last .20 is at a 7 min pace to finish off the mile. I usually follow it with a slower pace to bring my heartrate back down, around 9.5 min pace.

You also have some other options to kick up your nutrition program. You can take your cheat meals from twice weekly to once weekly. If you choose to do this, I would make it for a pre-determined amount of time so that you don't feel too deprived. I'll be doing this from now until my last final, which is on May 14. Drink at least 3 liters of water daily and decrease your alcohol consumption. Make sure you're taking in 1200-1500 calories of real food each day, and take that multivitamin to fill in the cracks. See you in your bikini!

Day Seventy-Seven: Me & Michael J

Alex P Keaton was one of my teenage crushes. I used to watch his character, played by Michael J Fox, on the show Family Ties during my formative years. When he came out to Back To The Future, I begged my Uncle Brian (my step-mother's step-brother if that's not complicated) to take me to it on one of his visits to El Paso. What 80's girl didn't read about Michael J in Tiger Beat magazine? Its so strange that after a couple of decades, he's now on my mind all of the time.

I'm joining the small group of students that research with Dr. Edward Castaneda, the head of the Psychology Department at UTEP. I'm unbelievably honored & humbled that he is allowing me to study under his tutelage. I'm currently a student in his psychobiology class, & his area of research is on dopamine receptors with reference to drug addiction and....you guessed it...Parkinson's Disease. Parkinsons Disease is a condition that occurs when the dopamine receptors in the Basal Ganglia region & cells of the Substantia Nigra that release dopamine in the brain degrade & die. My Great-Grandmother Cade had Parkinson's, & so does Michael J. From the Post on Day 33: Real Pain, you'll recall that dopamine is also released in the brain when we eat emotionally. The addiction to the effects of dopamine is real. Being able to study dopamine & DA Receptor systems/Ascending Motor Systems is amazing for me. Here's an animated clip ... http://www.michaeljfox.org/living_popupActionInTheBrain.cfm

I've been taking my licensing exams to work in the laboratory with rats, which includes surgical procedures, lab safety, & bloodborne pathogens. I've studied more this spring break than I do normally during the semester trying to get them knocked out so I can begin my hands on. I've been so torn inside thinking about the procedures that are conducted during animal studies in order to understand & learn how to treat diseases and addictions. Then, I think of Michael J & realize that every single advancement made in medicine is done at the hands of animals. Thank you, animals. I now thank you every time I take an Ibuprophin or a birth control pill.

Guess what the number one non-drug prescription is for Parkinson's...Exercise. "Given what we know about the universal health benefits of exercise, it is not surprising that exercise & physical therapy are the most frequently suggested non-pharmacological treatments for Parkinson's disease. Exercise programs can help people with Parkinson's stay active & relatively limber, improve balance & motor coordination."....-MJFF website.

I've been thinking of Michael J as I go to sleep at night. I wonder how he's feeling. I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder if he's praying for me & the many thousands of researchers in research labs looking for better drugs, cures, & further understanding of our complicated brain & its diseases. I'm praying for him.