Day One-Hundred Sixteen: The Behaviors That Take Years Off Our Lives

I find addiction to be both fascinating and depressing. I've known many people who have suffered from addictions during their life, several of them very close to me. I think that at times, I myself have been addicted to junk food. What is it about our brain that likes something that we do so much that it tells us to keep on doing it, even though we know it's really bad for us?

There are some addictions that take our life.

Life insurance companies know this. They refer to it as "insurability". When one goes to purchase an individual life insurance policy, they are asked a series of invasive questions about smoking, drinking, and engaging in risk-taking behaviors. They run a blood sample, a mouth swab, and often will run a driving record & credit report. They calculate your BMI based on your height/weight ratio and find out what medications you take. They do this to gauge how many years one probably has left of their life. For them, it's a business, and it's important that they get their numbers right.

I write this as I'm still processing the events of the last three weeks. I found it timely that MSN was running a story today on four unhealthy behaviors linked to premature death. The jist: Smoking, Lack of Exercise, Unhealthy Diet, and Excessive Alcohol Consumption can singularly influence the number of years one has left of their life. However, if one engages in all four of these behaviors, the numbers increase exponentially. During the 20-year study, they estimated that one who engages in all four of these behaviors is estimated at being 12 years older than their actual age. The leading causes of death amongst the subjects participating in the study were cardiac disease and cancer.

Duh...any dummy would know that. Smoking exposes one to carcinogens regularly that can activate free radicals already stored in the body. Drinking dehydrates the system, and water is a catalyst for proper cellular functioning. Exercise increases circulation, endorphins, and oxygen to the system helping to influence mood, expel waste, and repair tissue. Eating healthy foods gives the body the nutrients it needs to fight off disease and keep the body from storing fatty acids in the arteries. Hello...

Yet, we see it so much. How many people do you know that engage in all four of these behaviors simultaneously? I know many, and as much as it depresses me to think of the risks associated with these 4 behaviors, in the end, they are individual choices that one chooses to engage in. Usually, somewhere deep down, way below the addiction, is pain. It is the fear of dealing with the pain that often keeps an addict in the addictive cycle. In the end, we can only control our own behavior, and try to influence and educate our children before they get influenced or educated by someone else. No one, no one, no one....except the addict can make the addiction stop. Trying to get an addict to change will often only change you.

If you're addicted to these things, and want to get help, there's lots of help available. If you're smoking, you can stop...and not allow it to influence your children to become smokers. If you lack exercise, you can begin with a walk. Make it a family affair. If you eat unhealthy foods, you can get in one piece of raw fruit or vegetable daily until you can work your way up. And if you drink, you can learn to drink modestly or not at all if modesty is impossible. Choosing to get help can keep years from being taken away from your life.

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100257528&GT1=31036

The Week In Photos

Mixed Emotions

Last Saturday, I was getting ready for my girlfriend's party. I was excited because it was a girlie party, & the first one that Kimber and I would attend together. I had just done my makeup and was putting on Kimber's dress when I heard my phone buzzing. Like I always do, I avoided walking across the room to answer my phone thinking that I'd check it in a minute & return the call. Then, I heard Jason's phone. I paused for a second, then went back to what I was doing, not checking it either. Jason was outside with Malori informing her that she had a cracked radiator. His phone was on the charger.

A minute later, everything changed. Jason came running up the stairs, frantic...."Mariah, your Dad just called Malori. Uncle Dan's had a heart attack or a stroke. They took him in an ambulance to the hospital. Mariah, he was blue..."

I threw off mine & Kimber's dress and put pants on both of us, I called my girlfriend and told her what had happened. We drove like mad across scenic drive and got to the hospital. Your girlfriend walked out, she was shaking her head. You were gone. The breath left my body and I felt completely frozen.

Hours later, we left the hospital and went to your home. Your sweet lab, Jett, was crying. She had been there with you when you fell down in the dirt. Did she lick your hand? Did she nudge on you? She knew what had happened...she saw it all. Your sunglasses were still in the mud where you had fallen - dirt was caked on the right side. The plastic bags from the intubation tubes were strewn across the yard, there was mud all over the house where EMS had carried you out to the ambulance. There was coffee still in the coffee pot. Your sheets still lay were you left them when you got up that morning. Your toothbrush was still wet.

We got Jett into the home you would have wanted, with your best friend, Andy. I can see why you like him so much for her. We cleaned what we could, we searched for a will, we cried when we saw the letter you kept that Auntie Bev had written you when she was close to dying. We read over & over again the song you wrote for her after she'd passed away. We drank the last two beers you had in your refrigerator. We cried in disbelief that we never had a chance to say goodbye to you. A couple hours later, we returned to the hospital and were allowed to see your body. I stroked your hair, I massaged your feet. You were blue and gray and so cold, your belly was swollen. The intubation tube was still in your nose.

The week brought everyone together. There were hundreds of people at your funeral service at St Pius, we tried to honor you as much as possible, there was a rosary. The music was absolutely beautiful - they sang the music from the Easter service that was all about resurrection. Your girlfriend wore the celtic cross Auntie Bev gave you, the one you never took off. We all wore red & green ribbons - your favorite colors. Two of your students read letters they had written you. Malori and Donovan both read scripture.

Your wake was an absolute party, just like you'd have wanted. There were three different bands, brisket, chicken & sausage. We all laughed a lot, and cried from time to time. We took a ton of photos of us in our Hawaiian dresses. I'd never seen Julia as a mother, or Donovan as a father. You brought us all together....our parents, their children, and our children. We hadn't all been together since Julia got married four years ago. We've all changed so much since then. I got to go for a jog with my cousin Julia, our children got to play together for the first time.

I miss you, but I know that you are finally with your first love, maybe your last love. I don't know your heart, as you were so private, I don't know that many people did. I felt like I was intruding on your privacy when we were in your home that day and the next. I felt like I was looking through things you'd never have showed me...never have showed anyone.

Thank you for all of the beautiful birthday gifts, the sweet kisses, taking me on a date when I turned 13 and opening the car door for me. You never told on me when I did something wrong, but I really didn't do a whole lot wrong and you let me know that. You taught me to never, ever start smoking & I never did. You showed me that you always need to know when it's time to leave so that you never overstay your welcome...and to never share something that you didn't want the world to hear because in our family, anything shared gets out. I hear your laugh, I see your smile, and I can hear your, "Well, there you go..." favorite phrase when I've done something right.

I'll love you until the day I die. Thank you, sweet Uncle Dan.

Oh, Danny Boy

Oh Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone & all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go & I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed & white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come when all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come & find the place where I am lying
And kneel & say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warm & sweeter be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

Give her a kiss for me. I love you both so much.
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/elpasotimes/obituary.aspx?n=daniel-carroll&pid=141830673

A Good Man Is Hard To Find

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

For I am not there; I did not die.

-Mary Frye

My Uncle Dan was a man who lived until the moment he died. Literally. Yesterday afternoon, he was talking to his girlfriend in his front yard. She got a phone call, and he said that he was going to get back to the yard work he was working on in the back yard. She got off of her phone call a few minutes later and went to the backyard to tell him she'd see him that evening for their date. He was on the ground. She performed mouth-to-mouth & called 911. He was pronounced dead at 2:00.

The initial medical examination points to sudden cardiac arrest, although it will take time for the full autopsy. Dan lost his wife, my aunt, Beverly Cade Carroll to ovarian cancer 11 years and 12 days before he died. In those 11 years, he mourned for her deeply and spoke of her often.

This morning, the birds were chirping and the sun was shining. It was a beautiful day, just like yesterday. He would have been out on the golf course this afternoon with his female black lab, Jett.

Day Ninety-Two: Sweet Sandy B

Heartbroken. A woman gives us inspiration that everyone, EVERYONE, is worthy of redemption regardless of how checkered their past may be. Someone could be covered in tattoos, have a child with a porn star, and make a living out of building motorcycles, and they are someone worthy of love, a nurturing home, and a solid woman who wants to grow old with them. I believed her then, and I still believe it, even if it may or may not have been true of the person for whom she indended.

Sweet, sweet, Sandy B....I've had a week of nothing but Hope Floats, Practical Magic, and Miss Congeniality. I'll be watching The Blind Side tonight now that my kids are down.

As I watch all of this drama unfold before the American Snarky Population (me included), a couple of things that have been reinforced that wise people have told me through the years...

1. We cannot control the outcome. We could do everything perfect, and it could all fall apart. We could do everything wrong, and we could be a couple until our last breath.

2. Everyone IS worthy of a second chance. It's up to them to make something of it.

3. At the end of the day, what we really can rely on is ourself. Did we take care of ourself that day? Did we do something for ourself to make us be better, feel better? Are we growing in strength, individuality, wisdom, and perserverence? Did we go to that quiet place inside and find peace? For, we cannot find that in someone else, and we will often be dissappointed if we look for it there.

4. We all go through the fire. We all feel pain, we all have to make very difficult choices. Unfortunately, the ideal dream of a marriage doesn't exist.

As I look at these photos of Sandy, I see myself. I hope that other women, especially moms, can see themselves as well. On one hand, I see a mother - crooked sunglasses, shirt pulling down from the weight of carrying a sweet baby girl, minimal makeup, comfortable clothes. On the other, I see what working out, makeup, a nice hairdo, and a great dress can do for that same woman. There's power in both. Often, as a mother we feel like we're the former, and that's great...until we need to feel another kind of beautiful.

I hope that you take some time for yourself this Easter and recommit to yourself, to your growth, to allow yourself to feel pain, and to feel beautiful regardless of what your circumstance may be. I hope that next time you're in pain, you remember Sweet Sandy B, and maybe watch a little Hope Floats.