I see myself in you.
When I was told that you were growing inside of me, I already knew that you were there. I could feel you.
I nurtured your body with mine. I gave up all of the toxins that I put into my body...that I shouldn't have been putting into my body...to make sure that you grew with only the finest nutrients while you were inside of me.
You kicked my ribs. You stole my sleep. You wiggled when I drank a glass of milk and really moved when your daddy pressed his face into my belly and told you how much he loves you. I couldn't wait to see you...to smell you...to hold you in my arms. I couldn't wait to meet you.
When you were born, I continued to nourish your little body with mine. Nutrients poured out of my body. My immune system passed to you. You smelled so sweet. You knew my voice. You loved to nap with me. You nuzzled my neck and made sounds of joy.
I've watched you grow. I've nursed cuts and wounds. I've held your hair while you've gotten sick. I've changed your sheets at 3am, taught you how to go to the bathroom correctly, made sure that I cleaned the right shirt for you to wear to school. I've listened to your speech change, and tried to capture in my heart the way that you mispronounce words. I've made you eat your vegetables so that you grow with the right nutrients. I've held you while the doctor gave you your shots. I've felt my heart break as I've watched other children exclude you at the playground. I've held you when you hurt, I've dished out consequences when you've disobeyed. I've made flashcards for your reading words.
I've taken you for thousands of walks where we talk, laugh, grow.
You're destined for a life of greatness. You'll have the right education, you'll apply your knowledge. You'll understand your responsibility to make this world better.
One day, you will fall in love and they won't love you back. It will break my heart. Then, one day you'll fall in love and they'll take you away...that will really break my heart. You'll have a family of your own. You'll nourish your own children. You'll teach them well. You'll give them hugs and heal their wounds.
I see myself in you.
Pieces Of Me
I'm in a vulnerable state. Going onto the internet to blog is something I shouldn't be doing right now. But, if my mantra is to keep it real...then, I feel like I need to do just that. It's not always roses, and I have my share of hard days.
I haven't had a productive workout in over a week. My first final is Tuesday, and my mind is stressed and stretched. I feel like I often do when I just need a good cry. Really, what I need is a couple of good runs, and I hope to be getting that soon. Just another week and a half...I'll be through finals, I'll have the summer to spend with the kids, financial aid will kick in...just hang in there.
When I feel this way...overwhelmed, emotional, and closed off, I try to lift up my chin and look ahead to remind myself of where I'm going. This sacrifice is deliberate, calculated, and strategic. I often feel stripped down to the raw, like there's a much greater lesson I'm learning. Over the course of the past year and a half, we've sold a home, two cars, a paraglider, a base rig, my wedding ring, and now the dining room table I bought myself as a "push present" when I had Jet. They're just things...I tell myself. They mean nothing, and I probably need to learn to not associate things with emotions and memories. But, it's difficult to do. There are often times when I question myself and wonder if we've really made the right choice. I know that investing in our education will pay off immensely, and that this is a choice we've made. We're victims of nothing.
That doesn't mean it doesn't get tough.
I realize how much better I have it now than I did a few years ago. I'd much rather have time with my children than any monetary item. I have a family that puts up with me. I'm watching my husband grow. I like my therapist. I'm learning information that I love and find challenging. I'm working towards a badly needed, highly demanded, lucrative career in the medical field where my mind and body do what they were created to do....help people. Not that I wasn't good at my former career. I believe that I was. But, sitting in a meeting room hammering out strategy for streamlined operations for a corporation wondering when or if I'd get the next promotion started to feel like a rat race.
I might have even grown a whisker.
I think about where I'm at now, and I know that it's by design. I'm growing and learning. I'm coming into my own, what I was meant for. I'm teaching my children about the tenacity and willingness to sacrifice that I want to see them develop inside of them. This isn't forever. It's for a purpose. Finals will be over before I know it...financial aid will kick in....we'll go on a camping vacation...I'll go for a run. I may even get that cry in.
It will even out, it always does.
I haven't had a productive workout in over a week. My first final is Tuesday, and my mind is stressed and stretched. I feel like I often do when I just need a good cry. Really, what I need is a couple of good runs, and I hope to be getting that soon. Just another week and a half...I'll be through finals, I'll have the summer to spend with the kids, financial aid will kick in...just hang in there.
When I feel this way...overwhelmed, emotional, and closed off, I try to lift up my chin and look ahead to remind myself of where I'm going. This sacrifice is deliberate, calculated, and strategic. I often feel stripped down to the raw, like there's a much greater lesson I'm learning. Over the course of the past year and a half, we've sold a home, two cars, a paraglider, a base rig, my wedding ring, and now the dining room table I bought myself as a "push present" when I had Jet. They're just things...I tell myself. They mean nothing, and I probably need to learn to not associate things with emotions and memories. But, it's difficult to do. There are often times when I question myself and wonder if we've really made the right choice. I know that investing in our education will pay off immensely, and that this is a choice we've made. We're victims of nothing.
That doesn't mean it doesn't get tough.
I realize how much better I have it now than I did a few years ago. I'd much rather have time with my children than any monetary item. I have a family that puts up with me. I'm watching my husband grow. I like my therapist. I'm learning information that I love and find challenging. I'm working towards a badly needed, highly demanded, lucrative career in the medical field where my mind and body do what they were created to do....help people. Not that I wasn't good at my former career. I believe that I was. But, sitting in a meeting room hammering out strategy for streamlined operations for a corporation wondering when or if I'd get the next promotion started to feel like a rat race.
I might have even grown a whisker.
I think about where I'm at now, and I know that it's by design. I'm growing and learning. I'm coming into my own, what I was meant for. I'm teaching my children about the tenacity and willingness to sacrifice that I want to see them develop inside of them. This isn't forever. It's for a purpose. Finals will be over before I know it...financial aid will kick in....we'll go on a camping vacation...I'll go for a run. I may even get that cry in.
It will even out, it always does.
One of the places I study.
The room our children share.
Where I have my cup(s) of coffee.
One of the few things that keeps me sane.
The sweetest boy I've ever known.
Where I write.
The Things That Matter
Kimber's Puppy "Faolan" that she named after her cousin. She brought him
along on an Easter egg hunt.
Homemade Easter Baskets
Little Rocketman
The Jet with his jet.
Sweet pea.
Making her puppy a princess.
At her school Easter egg hunt, she wouldn't pick up an egg that wasn't pink.
My cup overflows. I'm blissfully aware of my many blessings. In a fake world, I feel like I have a piece of real. May your Easter weekend be full of life, love, and happiness.
My cup overflows. I'm blissfully aware of my many blessings. In a fake world, I feel like I have a piece of real. May your Easter weekend be full of life, love, and happiness.
Spring 2011 Update
So...the fitness and nutrition blog is finished for 2011. I'm a little sad because I really enjoy doing it, but at the same time I've got more time in my schedule to study each day.
Updates for this spring:
I haven't figured out which projects will make the final cut for this summer, but the ones in the bucket right now include:
Updates for this spring:
- Currently, we're in the thick of a semester. I'm taking Anatomy and Physiology II, Microorganisms and Disease, and Neuroanatomy and the associated labs. I have amazing instructors. Jay is finishing up his basics. Finals are the second week of May. Three more weeks of class and then here we go.
- We took a spring break trip to White Sands, Aguirre Springs for hiking, and Ruidoso. Had a blast.
- Jay's mom visited during spring break. It was so nice having her. The kids got new shoes and new clothes, Kimber got her first pedicure, we all went to see Rango, we ate out a couple of times...I'd forgotten what it's like to eat out!
- We sold Jay's truck, Darlene...yeah!! We bought a used Honda Civic that we named Sally Forth. Love her....I give her a little kiss every time we're at the pump these days.
Jet and Kimber all wrapped up on Valentine's Day
Jet's Impromptu Neuroanatomy Lesson...
...and the drawing he created at school the next day.
Jet in Daddy's arms while on a morning walk
Kimber's First Pedi
I haven't figured out which projects will make the final cut for this summer, but the ones in the bucket right now include:
- 8K in August to celebrate my birthday
- Operation: No More Caffeine Addiction. I need to give it up, but I love it so...muscle cramps when exercising are telling me that I'm ingesting too much. Breaking caffeine addiction is no joke, and would probably take about 3 weeks total.
- Big Bend, Carlsbad Caverns, or Bisbee...we'll see about our financial aid and if its in the cards
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