If You Want To Get To The Castle...

This past weekend was one of our most difficult as parents.

Sunday night, when all my daughter wanted to do was get into her pajamas and watch Toy Story 3, all I wanted to do was lay there and hold her. It didn't matter that I'd seen the movie 5 times. It didn't matter that my daughter had given us absolute hell in the days preceeding, or that she had tested every boundary known to a strong-headed three year old. There was nowhere I wanted to be more than by her side, soaking her up.

"If you want to get to the castle, you've got to swim the moat."

This was a line that jumped out at me from the movie, "Eat, Pray, Love" - a movie I saw after our rough weekend.

In my very limited experience as a parent, I've become convinced that 90% of parenting is just showing up... Committing fully...Being there instead of choosing an escape.... Working through the tough times together as a team.... Recognizing when our child is testing our boundaries and involved in a power struggle...Choosing to be present, accountable, and receptive...practicing tough love...dishing out consequences and hugs, sometimes at the same time.

"I will go down with this ship. I won't put my arms up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door."

I constantly recognize that everyone's a critic (myself included), and didn't do any better or worse at the toughest job known - growing children who become kind, sensitive, healthy, responsible adults that better society. Screw the critics...don't let us derail you. I fully believe with all of my heart that if Jay and I choose to be present, teach actively, love fully, and refuse to enable, then it all works itself out. Good triumphs. But, that's us. Everyone's different.

Maybe that's my naivity talking....maybe that's my attempt to control the outcome. I'm sure I'll have a different view during the teenage years. I've never endured the loss of a child or have been robbed of a life or a love. I equate it to the concept that the only way to arrive at C is to add A+B, but adding A+B doesn't guarantee the outcome of C. Some choose not to add at all.

"If you want to get to the castle..."

I feel that saying is true for so many other things....people want to get the body of their dreams without putting in the effort of a workout, people want to earn the A without going to class every day and studying every night, parents wanting to be close to their children when they're adults, but not having a clue as to how they grew up. It's so true, with the good comes the work. With the work comes the reward.

And so, as everyone was at my step-mom's annual tree-trimming gathering Sunday night, I watched as Kimber hung a few ornaments. When she asked to go upstairs, get into her pajamas, and asked me to lie down next to her while everyone else was downstairs enjoying the holiday spirit, sweet Kimber Elle and I had some badly needed mother/daughter bonding time alone.

I swam that mote. I didn't feel any guilt about being in the castle.