The Ancient Greeks were among the first to introduce the concept of homeostasis. Each individual was described as being composed of four elements: earth, wind, fire, and water. These elements required balance, too much of any one was detrimental....too little was just as bad.
Today, I learn about homeostasis daily. I soak up the knowledge of what happens to our precious bodies when too much or too little salt is present, too much or too little water....even too much or too little sunlight. In my own life, balance is my mantra...not only for me, but for those who are in my care. I am old enough now to know that I cannot teach every lesson there is to teach to my children, and some of those lessons are reserved for other instructors. They need their extended family. They need their friends and teachers. They need me and their daddy, but most of all...they need each other.
In my 36th year, the forgiveness I so badly yearned for began to come in the form of acceptance and detachment. I finally came to the understanding that being the oldest child does not mean that I get to tell everyone what they should do and then be angry at them when I feel that they are messing up. Rather, I am only an enthusiastic cheerleader. My only job is to love. I am only a mother to two beautiful children, and so it is only to them that I can provide instruction....and only for a time.
I came to recognize this year that my life will be full of love for those with whom I may not always agree. I can love completely those who make unhealthy, possibly detrimental choices, while employing detachment for self care. The pain of loving someone who makes these choices is real, sharp even at times, but can be let go to give way for acceptance. I no longer try to understand. I can forgive myself for my own poor choices and release the clutch I have on anger. My arms open the moment I allow them to. Detachment is neither kind nor unkind...my opinion is often best left inside my heart and unspoken.
Coming off of one of the most difficult years I've known, I've realized that I'm both much stronger and much weaker than I realized. I've come to see how badly I yearn for the relationships of my youth...for those who carried me through the war despite their own injuries. I've come to appreciate the gravity in history.
In my 37th year, I hope to continue to absorb the knowledge that I crave. I've come to learn that I am much happier when I'm mentally challenged. I hope to take each day one at a time, appreciating every moment. We are only here in this city for a short time longer. Before I know it, we will be moving along onto our next chapter. I hope to do so without regret.
This year, I hope to listen more and speak less, detach more and hold grudges less, accept more and fight less. While my favorite activities include an 8:30 bedtime, a family activity, a rigorous workout, a visit to a farmer's market, and an animated movie cuddling with my children and husband...my perfect day would not be complete without all of these. I believe that there is a time and a place for everything...I hope to continue to employ this concept in my 37th year. That can be easier said than done. I believe that the balancing act is worth my investment so that there is both work and rest, time alone and time together, ice cream and healthy meals...
Fire and earth.
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