Most of us know what real pain is. We've felt it in the depths of our heart at a point in our lives. It's the kind of emotional pain that makes our body, heart, and mind hurt so bad physically that we don't know if we can go on. We're not sure if we can get out of bed. When we feel it, it seems that our life stops & we've got to figure out if we're going to try and put it back together. If we decide to do so, then how? Often, we don't know where to begin. Sometimes this pain didn't happen all at once. Sometimes, it was present over a period of time - like someone gently rubbing acid on your arm every day during your childhood.
"Many of us were deprived as children. We may have been so deprived of good feelings that we believed life wasn't worth living. We may have been so deprived of love that we believed we weren't worthwhile. We may have been so deprived of protection & consistency that we believed people were untrustworthy. Our parents may have been so wrapped up in their problems and pain, so deprived themselves, they couldn't give us what we needed. We may have been deprived of material items: toys, candy, clothing, food, or a decent home.
Some of us were deprived of a childhood...
...For many of us, life is a big store. This store has two departments: the main floor, holding display after display of good stuff, much of which we can't label because we've never seen it; and the bargain basement, the room with the leftovers & irregulars. The room where we shop." -Melodie Beattie, Beyond Codependency
We all feel real pain at some point or another in our lives. Many of us grew up in a home that didn't teach us some of the things we needed to learn to be ready for life like how to love, how to love ourselves, how to make mistakes, how to play, how to forgive, how to fight fair, how to laugh and be silly, how to eat properly, how to express our needs & establish boundaries. Many of us lost a parent or a sibling. Many of us have lost a child. Many of us have lost relationships, marriages, even ourselves. Many of us never knew ourselves to begin with.
Emotional eating is one of many drugs we use to fill in holes that we have in our life. When we eat emotionally, dopamine is released in the brain. It is the same chemical that is released during an orgasm, a hit of cocaine, & when we consume chocolate. Emotional eating creates in us an addict. Often, we don't want to part with the pain because we've become so accustomed to it. We look for a way to make ourselves feel better for a moment versus taking care of ourselves for a lifetime.
We begin the process to fix this by recognizing the triggers that bring it about, journaling about those triggers & the thoughts of inadequacy or fear that might be going on inside of us. We start trying to find ways to identify it when it's happening. If we want to dig deep & find some of the roots, that may take an investment of time, energy, and a professional counselor's assistance. We reprogram the messages we've been sending ourselves & realize that its okay to feel those feelings of insecurity. Then, we tell ourselves what we are really worth, and that its okay to have needs, its okay to take care of ourselves, its okay to establish boundaries. It's okay to hurt & feel the pain wash over us. It's okay to release the pain to the universe.
We spend some time, giving our heart the attention it needs & deserves. If a boundary needs to be established, we take time trying to figure out what that boundary is & how to express it. Sometimes, it's ugly when it comes out, but that's okay. Its going to take practice and that takes time to learn what we need and how to express it. And, we made a mind/body connection and feed both with the love, nutrition, water, exercise, & sleep that they need. Its a process, it doesn't happen overnight. You have to give it time, be gentle with yourself and ask for help or forgiveness when you screw it up.
Do: If you identify with the emotional eater's real pain, pay attention. When you recognize the triggers, instead of reaching for junk, reach for your journal. Pray that the thoughts come to be tangible, & write down what they are. Then, follow the steps I outline above. If it feels overwhelming, it's okay.
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