I didn't feel sexy. For five years, I felt frumpy. I felt like the best years of my life were floating around somewhere in my past before I had babies. I was mad at my children because having them took my body from me. I was angry at my husband because he didn't appreciate the enormous sacrifices I'd made. I was upset when I'd see a pregnant woman who had gained a healthy 20-30 pounds instead of the 45 I gained.
I was mad...at me.
How could I have taken such poor care of myself? I didn't want people to take my photo. When pictures were taken of me, I'd pray that they wouldn't somehow end up where anyone might see them. Those photos now motivate me more than anything because I can see how unhappy I was behind my smiling eyes. The worst part of it was that the inside felt just as bad, just as bleak as my outside...maybe even more-so.
Sound familiar?
It's sad that I'd place so much emphasis on my physical appearance, but it's true. It's also true for the thousands of women out there who seek breast augmentations, lip injections, liposuction, and any other physically alterating procedure to make themselves look more attractive. There's a very strong correlation between how we feel about our body and how we feel. We see it in the thousands of women in America who are obese and on antidepressants. Which causes which? Maybe it's a little of both.
One of those amazing bonuses that comes with weight loss & healthy habits is the sensuality that returns to the soul. The skin regains its vibrance, there is more confidence in the human form, we put on outfits in the bedroom that haven't been worn in years. We feel sexy again.
I challenge you to examine your sensual side. Are you confident in how you look and feel? Do you find a correlation between how you feel about your body and how you feel in general? I challenge you to continue to journal, adding your sensual side to your comments and observations.
No comments:
Post a Comment